Q&A with Maurice Harker 7/28/16

Q&A with Maurice Harker and Jennifer Johnson 7/28/2016

Confidentiality – Please, if you run into another lady here, please don’t publicly announce where you know them from – everyone is in a different stage regarding their willingness to share their stories with others, we always want to keep this a safe place.

Q:           Are there lesser addictions that we should be okay with? My husband is addicted to Coca Cola. I’m not ready to end our marriage over it. A few weeks ago he acknowledged that the has an addiction to it. Part of me is not threatened by it, however, the other part wonders how much addiction I should permit in my relationship/life?

A:           There is a fine line between addiction/craving/comfort foods – I don’t know if I’m addicted etc. sometimes myself. We have a lot of life to live and things to work through. If a person’s behavior isn’t life threatening to you or damaging to the relationship, keep it in the realm of curious conversation. For example, my mother quilts like crazy – you could assume she is addicted based on the amount of time she thinks about it and spends on it.

For my eating and exercise habits, sometimes I neglect them for other reasons. Sometimes I’m dedicated to it, but I may have 4 suicidal people that I need to work with and so I channel my energy there. So you could ask, “are you pleased with, or okay with that part of how you are handling your life? I fear that because you have had lack of discipline in your life in this area, I fear that it may bleed over into other aspects of your life.”

Q:           In June I spoke with you and was going to a family reunion with spouse’s family even though I was separated. Now I’m back home after separation – I got an answer in temple to stay for another 6 months. He is taking a lot of responsibility now. He isn’t sarcastic at all. I’m cautiously optimistic – but I can also be kamikaze girl – I’m trying not to be. He is saying a lot of really nice things, asking what I need every day, and letting me know the stuff he is working on. He said “you were so right we really needed the separation – if I hadn’t been on my own, I wouldn’t have learned…”
However, he is very good with words and usually not very long lasting. I told him that this time around, I need 6 more months because he is so good with words, and that I needed to see it – no more words. What am I looking for from a guy that’s really good at manipulation and words?

A:           In your conversations with him, have him talk about his system he is using to acquire and maintain this disposition – use a non-mothering, and non-challenging tone of voice. A woman new at this may say, “what are you doing to make sure….”  “That thing that you said right there is cool and solid. How did you learn that and figure it out, and what are you doing to help you remember that?” -couched in a weather check tone. It does two things when you do this.

1. It gives him a chance to brag if he has a good system.

2. It gives you good info.

If he read it on the cover of Cosmo and he plans to keep reading there for more insight – it gives you information to know where he is getting his info from.  Don’t challenge it much, just be informed. Then in your case – less Kamikaze – but test the grounds every now and then. Do not ignore your safety alarms. For every woman’s they have been given an animal/safety brain because it is helpful and has purpose. Many of you have ignored this part of your brain for the sake of the relationship/for the man. Something inside tells you something is wrong, but because you can’t prove it, you may have assumed you are wrong.

The animal brain is a great statistician and it keeps track. It is tracking:  If he does better at handling situations than he ever has before? If things are measurably more solid than they used to be? Is he more emotionally stable? Is he more responsible? More kind? Has it been tested? Have there been situations handling the children that before would have knocked him out of whack but he is doing it differently now?  Another way is to observe how he handles your off days, for example: if one of your kids is having a bad day, and you are off, but he handles it better and differently, and he doesn’t automatically assume it is his problem.  Some husbands are emotionally dependent – we need them to behave well whether the wife is celebrating his successes with a ticker tape parade or not.

Q:           I don’t know how to handle the integrity factor.

A:           Any husband who wants to repair will grant full access to texts, emails, all accounts, to you if you wanted to check. We also recommend that he has a journal that you can access. But this is a later phase. You can ask, “when you are ready, start sending me letters.” There’s also a phase of learning how to do the letter right. Some aren’t maintaining emotional integrity as they are writing what she wants to hear.

Clarifying Q: When you talked about letters to the spouse – when they are working recovery. Is this something you teach in MOM, or in Marriage Repair?

A:           Letters have 2 different purposes. In MOM we prioritize with letters to God first. We want them to focus on behaving well, and letters to wife being secondary. Some men have found it useful to do both – sometimes every other day, or at different times of the day. I encourage not sharing with wife during first phase. He may not be ready for emotional challenge for her to know all of the truth. They usually become courageous over time.

Men of Moroni does not teach any marriage repair principles. It is a self-mastery addiction recovery system. The men who run meetings aren’t qualified to teach marriage repair. Please don’t hope they are getting this from MOM.

If I get a guy way messed up in addiction, he may not be ready to repair marriage he has to fix addiction first.  The letters to wife become accountability based, not because you are his mother but because the President of US has a responsibility to keep the country informed of what he is doing. Moroni had responsibility to keep people informed on his actions to protect and keep safe.

It is unlikely they will do this on their own without training. You can express appreciation. Even if they just do one session of the marriage repair workshop,  they are only $20. At the workshop, Maurice welcomes a guy will jump in and ask him, “tell me how letters to spouse will improve my marriage”, he can do so, and then the spouse can then go back and try to fix it.

Follow up Q to previous discussion:

Q:           So he’s working on being measurably better?

A:           Because I know you, I will confront you in acknowledging that you are very goal oriented and that patience is difficult and isn’t your best trait. Please remember the rule of thumb is that recovery will require at least 1 month for every 1 year that he has been like this. We need that many months of him doing it right before he can be trusted. Not that many days, that many months.

Q:           That doesn’t mean that I have to keep him out of the house for 14 months?

A             No, I have one couple where they add one night a week each month based on requirements that he meets. Yes, it can be very financially straining on families.

Q            My husband’s attitude with this is “If I move out then I get to have a 3 room townhouse for the kids. I won’t do well going into recovery living in a hole in the ground.”

A             He is doing what he is going to do. You can’t control that. Good job.

Q:           In process of divorce. Believe H sober but not in recovery. Struggling with “not enough feelings.” For 14 years H pointed out character weaknesses, and I admit it has gotten into my head. I know I’m not perfect. How do I tell what my true problems are, vs what the addict is blaming me for? It is fuzzy between my defects and what I’m being blamed for as a result of his addictions. How do I shake this feeling of my failed marriage?

A:           Imagine having a daughter. I had no sisters, and had a very rough and tumble farm girl mother. We had a daughter join our family, and she’s now 14. She is about to enter the dating world. What are the chances that while she is dating that a boy is going to have some “feedback” for her?

 Did you have a feeling in your chest when I said that? If the guy said it to your daughter, what would your emotional response be?

It would be – “what does it matter what he thinks?” Take down this note.

Ladies, it is very paradoxical. When you enter a marriage, you are under the impression that you have to think what they think about you. When there’s a healthy relationship with women, how often do they criticize or give each other feedback about their characters? They don’t need to change for each other.

One of the first alarms in a relationship should be when someone has a “need for you to change to make their life better.”

If you are officially ruining his life and he says, - “but she surprised me because she was different than what I thought”.

Very important to recognize that anytime you put yourself in a position when you let someone else’s feedback about you affects you, it is a problem.

Going back to a daughter. Compare dating now to 150-200 years ago.  In pioneer days they traveled by horses, and spent time doing chores etc. if they saw each other for 2 hours at a barn dance, then they still had 6.5 days away from that person, during which they could remember who they are and not be influenced by another person’s opinion of them. They re-anchored themselves to who they are for 6.5 days. Now days however, you have interactions that go on every 20 minutes. You have interactions where you are trying to maintain relationships, and not necessarily your identity. I’m convinced that pioneers maintained relationships by how they used time apart rather than how they communicated.

So a couple had a rough spot – then he would go hunting for three days. She might think, “I need to know how he is thinking, what’s going on, how he feels.”   Because they couldn’t have contact, then they had to vent to God and connect to him.  The guy had told her, “she’s not meeting his needs”. Then she would have 24-48 hours to talk it over with God. She could ask God, “Do you think I’m selfish? Do you think I don’t care enough?” 

When you go to God with these questions, He will walk you through corrections and he will empower you with clarity and encouragement

We want a woman to say, “if my husband wants me to correct that right now, then I will go to God and he will tell me what to correct.” We want our daughters to stay away from guys long enough to reconnect to who they are with God. We want them the pray, write in journals, and to talk with trusted adults to clear their heads from all the great things the guy brought to their life for a few hours.
We don’t want them to feel that “Now that you want to be with me you need to be a different person for me.”

I was raised with all brothers. My version of objectifying was not understanding, therefore minimizing. I’ve learned that women are focused on their self-work. Women recognize way before others do what their weakness are.  Of course you have 25 things to work on, because you are under 75. It would be weird if you didn’t. Ask daughter, what are top three things you think you need to work on? She will have a list.

You need to re-find (some women never have) rituals to re-anchor yourselves to your own identity. Some of you didn’t have this chance in getting away from your parents – to figure out, “what do I do, that makes me like me and my progress?”

Did you do this?

Response:           My default is achievements – I’m really good at that.

A:           Isolate top 3 projects you want to work on to make sure you are achieving things. Someone else may say, “these aren’t their priorities, therefore you are a failure.” (ie. Stop achieving it’s annoying – sit down and watch t.v. with me).

Your time separated from man is not only for him. Ladies this is very important. Whether is it an hour, a week, 6 months – whatever it is, you have to do self-clarifying work. Get yourself standing before God and ask Him, “father are you pleased?” If a woman feels inspired by feedback they’ve been given – they don’t mind it and they get to work, but it has to feel inspired. My response as a therapist is to say something that God would agree with.

Many ladies I’ve worked with will use a facial expression to make sure that I’m ON TRACK. I can say to them, “I think that the info I’m going to give you is aligned with what God would say, but you should go to God and clarify if it is applicable to you.”  Some ladies say that my connection didn’t apply – I’m okay with that. 

Second Question – How do I get over the feeling of failure that my marriage didn’t work out, and not being enough?

A:           If you spend time with us, you will hear a theme “do not rely on the arm of flesh” Not a single application theme, but a daily theme.  Ask yourself, “What do I use to feel confident, useful, progressing?” If on that list is another person’s reaction to you, then you are relying on the arm of flesh.

A benefit on my mission is that we spent such little time with the people, that we didn’t receive any feedback. I had to learn to ask God, “Father are you pleased with my efforts?” I hope that is the only person you take 100% seriously regarding feedback for you. If He isn’t responding, rattle his cage and request that He talk to you.

Part of a woman’s deepest programming is to nurture her family. It is appropriate and natural for you to focus your energy on that.

If a teenager doesn’t respond well to parenting, well…what do we say to others if the teenager is blowing them off?…. “well you are doing your best, he has agency”….  We respond…still feel responsible.

Joseph Smith taught the concept of teaching them correct principles and allowing them to govern themselves.  

Really, in the actual success of marriage and family, only a small percentage relies on you. Only 50%. So if you are 50% perfect while it still falls apart, that’s still like getting an F, no matter what you do.

Sometimes a skilled professional can help you to determine, when I did this “xyz”…..we can be useful to help with that. If I do my job right, then each person takes 100% responsible for their behavior. If they mess up it isn’t your fault.

Q:           Are gaming and sex addiction related? Also, are compulsive spending and overeating related?

A:           This is similar to first question. If you are unaware of our eternal warrior system, you may want to look into it.  It is for those who want to use these same principles for any self - mastery program. 

Any self- mastery problem in the brain will have a compounding effect on any other self- mastery problem.  If there’s one addiction, it can cause susceptibility. I wouldn’t connect gaming and sexual addiction, but if there’s one self- mastery problem, there may be other self- mastery problems. If you want to do any self- mastery work, Karen Broadhead’s class is phenomenal. If you have something more severe, Mindy Lundgreen’s Daughter’s Of Light program is phenomenal.

If you think of a tree or a post – anytime you behave in a way that is contradictory to your value system, it drills a hole in the post. Some of the holes are bigger than others. A sexual misbehavior vs. drinking coke. Either way it is a hole in the post.  The challenge is that it has to be a contradiction of that person’s value system. 

At one point, I had to change something with Sons of Helaman program.  It said, “helping youth overcome pornography and masturbation.” I had to change the wording to “helping them change “Unwanted”… There are many who don’t like these behaviors.

So first, I want to clarify his values.  Sometimes with a teen I clarify – “You value gaming – it is important part of your life”. How many hrs. a day is it important to you to game instead of other things? With a married man – gaming vs. time with kids? Gaming vs. time with wife - which is most important? Gaming vs. repairs around house? Gaming vs. personal religious activities?

 Similar to previous comments, this must be done in a weather check tone – not mothering tone. Followed by, “I just need to know so that I can make decisions about my own life. If you are dedicated to being a 6 hrs. a day gaming man, I need to know so that I can make decisions about my life. If that’s the kind of many you want to be, I just need to know.”

They will say, “wow, I didn’t realize I was prioritizing gaming so high.” Then they realize they have contradicted their self- value system. Avoid being the person who teaches, rather respond, how sad is it to recognize how much value they have put on gaming.

(Please review in your mind how much yelling you have been in the last week. Is that in your value system. It is sad to be a yeller when you don’t want to be one. So what are you going to do about it?)

Then as a spouse you can ask, “what are you going to use that’s not me, to fix that? I don’t want to be your mother, or be a gatekeeper to enforce your behavior.” Don’t offer to be his accountability person – it isn’t a healthy husband/wife dynamic.  Mostly what you need to be doing is weather checking, and asking, “Tell me is this the kind of man you want to be so I can make plans accordingly?”

Q:           I can tell he is numbing and not doing his self- care or recovery and I don’t try to push, but it is concerning to me because I’m trying to gauge my safety.

A:           If a man starts pushing the first domino with something that may end up painful, you may tiptoe up to him and ask if he recognizes this. If he is irritated, then pack up and go somewhere safe. When he recognizes that you are gone, just state that you are trying to keep safe because in the past there’s been a stick of dynamite at the bottom of that stack of dynamite.  My wife is my #1 resource for this. If I’m going anywhere near this, I can feel my wife’s (what I call) limo bullet proof glass window go up. I can feel her window going up - it may take 10 minutes for it to go up, but about 10 yours to get it back down. It keeps her safe and psychologically safe.  

Q:           Kind of new here. Have only been to a few of the meetings. My background – my H has been involved with soft core porn, and some masturbation. Once I found out about it, he has worked hard. His last issue was in January. I don’t know if I’m over reacting. A week ago I found an inappropriate article – where I think he thought I couldn’t see it. He said he had accidentally getting into it. It was an article about the “best celebrities to masturbate to.”  I’ve asked if he was clean – he said “yes, I’ve just been looking at pictures of girls.” I don’t know if it is okay with him, but it still pisses me off because I don’t like him looking at pictures of girls.

A: First you aren’t over reacting. I’m really sorry you are going through this – all of you ladies. You’ve worked so hard to be good girls – even when you’ve made mistakes you’ve worked hard.  And this wasn’t on the agenda.

First you are NOT over-reacting. It is a common phase for men who are digging themselves out of their own issues who want to celebrate incremental progress. At least I’m not as bad as someone else, or as bad as I was.

Women have a celestial orientation. You are probably aware that you may not get the whole thing in this lifetime, but you should at least have some standards for celestial life.

Parts of the animal brain are for safety and security. In the caveman days it was life threatening for a man to leave for too long. Or if he was noticing other women in tribe, he might abandon you and your baby, and you wouldn’t get food and you would die.  It is hard for a man to understand that this would relate to dying.

He may say, “Hey I’m just going to play with matches by the leaking gas furnace. It doesn’t usually blow up.”  But it probably will if you keep doing it.

Personally, I started to gain greater awareness of my own flaws as my wife tapped into her standard of celestial orientation.  I wondered if she would ever be satisfied? My wife has magic psychology skills with me. She knows that I love athletes, and she could say, “if that happens, you’ll never be an Olympian. I married you because I knew you could be one of most amazing men on this planet.” 

That would be like having a coach with amazing athletes, but not expecting them to get gold medal. You expect it because you know they can do it. As long as you are in the process and moving forward and maintaining the same expectations, if a man says “that is correct, that behavior needs to be corrected”, then a woman can usually be patient if they have a shared vision a shared promised land.

So you can say, “I married you because you are amazing. And I’m staying because you are amazing, but I’m not going to stand for this standard because it is below you.”

Follow up: We’ve had issues of him looking up women. He has been studying 12 step book every night. Although I appreciate it, I worry he is going to get back to that spot. He did it for 6 years. But little bumps. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety. I don’t know how to totally feel safe, or that 5 years later I’m not going to find out other things. He had lied about money stuff too.  How do I get over that anxiety?

A:           It is not a quick fix, and it is something that might be addressed in the weekly groups with a therapist. First. Do not rely on the arm of flesh. If you do so, then your sanity becomes anchored to another person’s behavior. If your girlfriend in high school says, “I’m anxious because that boy might break up with me someday,” then you would take her shopping and feed her ice cream. We are rock stars no matter what a boy thinks about you. I’m sure in college they had parties like that about me.

Sometimes when a woman has been married for a while, she forgets that boys can be dumb and you can’t trust them to make sure you stay sane. What Jennifer and the other ladies teach you in group, is that you have to make decisions and be psychologically secure based on today’s conditions, not tomorrow’s. There’s a scripture in Matt. 5 that says, “take ye no thought for the morrow…sufficient is the day thereof.”

One of the flaws of American psychology is that it is future based. Sanity now relies on tomorrow. Eastern ideology focuses on being happy today despite what could happen tomorrow that is out of your control. We need to learn to make the best of today no matter how scary tomorrow is. I invite you to spend as much times as possible in the Worth group to learn to apply those principles.

Q: I am cautiously optimistic that things will go forward, but I’m finding that things will throw me – that things come up and Satan messes with me. Satan is trying to mess with me a lot more, making me more distant over stupid little things. I need to center and re-ground. How do I do this?

A:           There are things that happen – people say things, or thoughts in your own head that knock you off track. This goes back to Karen Broadhead and Eternal Warriors classes. Here are some principles.  Out of my wife’s 10 principles that she does every day, one of the most powerful ones is her writing. I encourage you not to use term journaling. Strategizing can be more relevant in your writing rather than journaling which is without resolution. Try taking one situation per day and strategizing a response to it. Think about a coach taking a video from last game. He reviews it to figure out what the pattern was that was used against them.

When I work with someone I try to target phrases and emotions that Satan uses against them. The phrase I found with someone today was “did you notice no one is home?” This leads to this thought and feeling …on and on.  In itself it isn’t an unsafe phrase.  But then the coach gets out x and o’s and starts figuring out how to respond if they do this…erasing, then trying again. This is where you have got to get revelation because the answers will be beyond anything you’ve ever thought of before. The Book Of Mormon war chapters are an excellent resource for satanic accounts.

Strategize until you find a plan and series of responses with you dominating the mental conversation – dominating not just squeaking by. No, I own this. Transfer to 3/x5 or post it so that you can see it over and over and practice like athletes do…when the opponent does this, then I do this etc. We have to deal with hindsight based therapy, which is “if you just understood something you could change it.” This is insufficient. You have to have insight, strategy and practice. Understanding what is wrong with your basketball shot won’t fix it. It has to be strategized and practiced. You have to be patient in becoming better at and faster so that you can win a battle in seconds rather than hours.

I’ve had this success in my marriage dynamic. We catch it and fight our battles. 95% of the battle gets solved without talking about it. We get our heads on straight and then start talking about it. Unfortunately – being traumatized by mans’ behavior makes you susceptible.  Don’t be surprised if a guy who has been practicing battle for 7000 years gets the jump on you.

Q:           2 years anniversary. H pulled his head out and is making progress. He is doing a self, fortify program. Curious what is reasonable for me to expect over next couple of months now that he is working recovery vs. what is unreasonable to expect?

A:           My recommendation for several reasons: If a man starts to show investment in own issues and recovery. I encourage that he be the one to start conversation. If wife needs to ask, or if she is relying on him to answer in a certain way, then she may have a preconceived idea or expectation which can be very frustrating, ie. “Husband, what are you working on? That’s different than what you were supposed to be working on…Maurice said you are supposed to be working on….”

Just do best working on what you need, and observe what he is working on and use it as information for your weather check.

In my experience she needs to know that a man is dedicated to same lifestyle as her even if he doesn’t comprehend it. It is unlikely that he will comprehend celestial lifestyle.

The next thing he needs to be doing is having some kind of incremental progress.  A good way to start conversation with him moving into the competence area:

NOT useful: You’ve been lazy, not working on something.

Useful: Assume he is working on something, and you just haven’t noticed it. 

This is man development. A man’s growth is different, you can ask, “I’ve been a girl my whole life, I’m not sure how this process works….” If he doesn’t want to inform, then retreat to safety and prepare for a worse- case scenario. So if or when he returns there may be a 7- foot barrier.

Be warned not that not all men communicate accurately. You can say, “I’ve never been a guy and I want to understand the process you are going through to fine tune and improve yourself.”  If he is trying hard he will start to verbalize what he’s working on. Sometimes a woman’s brain is hopeful and will begin to rely on it.  “Hey he’s going to start asking me on Friday night dates!” don’t trust this until he starts it.

If he is working on fortify – from Fight the New Drug, there is lots of science with it. However, it lacks pressure which comes from other men. 12 steps is ok. We created the Men of Moroni program create the highest pressure that a man can go through. So if he is going at his own pace, then you may have to pace yourself for how long it will take him to get through this stuff.

Q:           I’m not clear what to expect from him.

A:           In the end expect him to be 100% away from all sexual misbehaviors. What about previous questions – him looking at other women in full clothing? You have right to expect him to do things to help you feel safe. This list is not the same for every woman. What traumatizes one woman many not for another. It is individual. Your injuries and concerns are unique to you. Be clear on what is scary, dangerous or hurtful to you.  You may have to walk around the house in full battle armor and he will say, “you aren’t as cuddly as you used to be.”  In this case, we encourage you to practice the phrase, “As long as you are dangerous to live with I need to have as much protection as possible.” You may want to record to push play to replay over and over.

Q:           If he is actively working his recovery should I expect immediate connection, more communication from him?

A:           Let’s talk about the word expect. An Olympic coach expects amazing things from athletes, however they aren’t psychologically dependent on whether or not they achieve. Check yourself. Do you fall apart in any way if he doesn’t reach your expectations? If you are emotionally stable, it doesn’t cause you to collapse or mis-behave. It is when a woman she relies on improvements that I worry.  A challenge is to appreciate what he does, if he does add value to the family. 

This goes back to previous questions – when female brain feels sufficiently safe and secure, it tends to become nurturing. You can use self- observance…if you start to feel inclined to nurture, relax more, smile, touch a little more it is usually a sign man’s behavior is advancing at sufficiently good speed. Use your own biology. If you feel like pulling away, closing arms, etc. then it isn’t.

Clarifying: When can I expect him to emotionally reach out and connect?  Is this what you are asking?

Q:           Is it unreasonable for me to anticipate that he will be less selfish, or initiate conversations, or talk about his struggles, or overcome anger, or worry about self and physical health and well- being? Should my expectation be that he is going to hold onto the computer or should I expect to see other things?

A:           Once again, I’m very cautious using the word expect. Ether 12:7 – says that “if men come unto me, I will continue to show them their weakness.” He should be identifying and working on any problems, and He should be starting to notice that he is more selfish than he should be, or that He should start initiating conversations. These may come as promptings such as, “now that you are getting addictive behavior under control, now you should work on this.” You should expect him to be working on 3 things at same time at all times. But he may be working on different things than those that are on your list.  If he is working with God, sometimes it can be a long time, or sometimes it can be overnight. Yes, your list is accurate, but what are you going to work on yourself? Be self- reflective, what will you be working on in the meantime?  J
The God I know requires us to be encouraging even with incremental progress. But that doesn’t mean you jump into a full relationship with them. You have to make sure the nurturing is sufficient for the progress. You don’t buy someone a car for taking out the trash.

Q:           H loves to give vague, sincere apologies such as, “I’m sorry for whatever I did that you thought was offensive.”  I don’t know if we are talking about same thing. Don’t know what to do with that.

A:           Start with a positive response such as, “Thanks, I can tell you are sincere, and trying hard, but I need more clarity on what you are apologizing for, because I need to know where your head is at, because if I think it is this thing over there, or if I know then I can notice and allow myself a little more vulnerability.”  Just push it a little. Just please tell me which thing now.  Some guys will back off – “I don’t know. I’m not sure why I’m apologizing.” You have been good about verbally interacting. So was it something yesterday or today? This am or afternoon? In bedroom or kitchen.  Wait which part – because there are many parts that he may be apologizing for.

I don’t enjoy the process of looking at what I did wrong, but I like the end result of fixing something and being awesome because I specifically fixed something. When you concentrate on something and it gets fixed, it is awesome!  I hope he would respond well to that.  If he isn’t at a 1.25 or emotionally wobbly. Give him a beanie smile, ask him to pull his head up and pay attention – because at the end it will be great.
I don’t recommend this for everyone.

Q:           Regarding safety checks.

A:           Before you dive into any interaction with the man, do a safety check. Observe. Don’t just ask a question and believe his answer. Is it safe to talk to you? You look at them and gauge their eyes – how jittery, aggravated, distracted are they? Use your female powers to see how much energy is running through their body. Don’t ask if he is a ticking time bomb – it will explode. Remember that you are smart and you can read people. Ask if he is in a position to talk. If he responds negatively even though his words say yes, then it isn’t safe.

If you are looking for something from him, then you probably aren’t going to get it if he is working on his own personal issues.

I can’t emphasize enough how helpful these ladies are, please participate in the groups, and ask them for help and direction. They have the experience and the skills to share valuable tools and resources with you.

If you aren’t as pleased with your own personal self-mastery as you’d like, I invite you to check out our Eternal Warriors program. 

If you are looking for help repairing your marriages, we have marriage repair workshops for women on Mondays at 11:00 am, and on Thursdays for the men at 7:00 pm. These are also recorded and available for purchase through our office.